REALationship: Jonathan & David

---

If you would prefer to read the message, I’ve provided the words below:

---

[Game: What Would You Do?]

• What if your best male friend started dating your best female friend and then you later found out that he was cheating on her behind her back? Would you confront him about it? Would you tell her? What if you confronted him about it and he asked you not to tell her because he says he won’t do it again?
• What if a good friend told you something about your dad you didn’t want to believe to be true? Example: Your friend tells you that he saw your dad kissing a woman at a restaurant, but that woman wasn’t his wife / your mom?
• What if you received a phone call and the person knew where you were and what you were wearing, and then led you to a briefcase with $100,000.00 inside. And then the person told you that you could keep the money, but someone you don’t know will die. Or you can leave the money and the person you don’t know will live. 

Watch the following video and ask yourself, “What would I do?”

 

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, please completely consume us and open our hearts and minds to receive this message about authentic relationships. Please fill us with conviction, fill our hearts with Your love, fill our mouths with Your words, and align our thoughts to Your will. Please guide us in Truth and love so we will feel compelled to desire real relationships in the way You intend them to be for us. May we be compelled to be intentional about transforming relationships into REALationships. I thank You in advance and proclaim that by the power of GOD and in the name of Jesus, we will be changed from the inside out and challenged by this message to go beyond our comfort zones in order to love people the real and right way. Amen. 

Background information: 

Before I get into the message, I want to provide you with some background information just in case you are unfamiliar with the context surrounding the Scripture I’ll be using for the message:

The Israelites demanded to have a king just like all the surrounding nations (1Samuel 8:5). Saul was chosen by the people to be king because he was wealthy, influential, tall and handsome (9:1-2), but he failed to be the king GOD needed him to be for His people (13:13-14). After allowing Saul to fail on his own, GOD anointed David to replace Saul as the future king (16:13). Saul saw the anointing upon David’s life and became insanely jealous and tried to kill David a few times. However, since Saul was unsuccessful in killing David by his own power (18:11), he tried to get others to kill David for him (19:1). But Jonathan — Saul’s own son and heir to the throne — being a righteous man, stood up to his father on David’s behalf (19:4-5). Saul let it go that particular night, but then he tried to kill David yet again on a different night. And this time, Saul’s own daughter, Michal, helped David escape. So, this brings us to the point in the story when David and Jonathan’s relationship becomes a REALationship. 

[Read:  1Samuel 20  (You can do this; it’s only 42 verses.) ]

[20:2]  Jonathan showed loyalty to his father. He didn’t want to believe that his dad would do anything as awful as what David claimed Saul had done.

[20:3] Jonathan came to a crossroad. What would he do? Would he deny/reject David’s words or would he consider his words and investigate further? 

[20:4] Jonathan shows great character by making a decision to keep an open mind to discovering the truth. Jonathan shows loyalty to David by asking him what he can do for him. 

[20:8] Take notice that loyalty to the Lord supersedes loyalty to either Jonathan’s earthly father or best friend. At this very moment, David is challenging Jonathan to choose what’s right based on loyalty to the Lord — even if that means going against his father’s will.

“ ‘Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household! If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Anyone who receives you receives me, and anyone who receives me receives the Father who sent me. If you receive a prophet as one who speaks for God, you will be given the same reward as a prophet. And if you receive righteous people because of their righteousness, you will be given a reward like theirs. And if you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least of my followers, you will surely be rewarded.”
(Matthew 10:34-42) -NLT

All this Scripture means is that when it comes to making a decision, we need to come into alignment with GOD’s will because GOD’s will is the absolute moral standard. If we choose anyone or anything over GOD, we’re choosing to do evil. Why? Apart from GOD, there is no good. 

[20:9] Jonathan makes the right decision by declaring that he would side with David if his father was in the wrong. This doesn’t mean that he isn’t loyal to his father, it simply means that he is loyal to GOD over everything else. 

[20:12-13] Take notice of Jonathan’s loyalty to the Lord.

[20:17] Jonathan loved David as he loved himself. Why is that loyalty to the Lord? Examine the Scriptures! In Matthew 22:39, Jesus told us that the most important commandment was twofold: love GOD and love others as you love yourself. Jonathan was obeying the greatest commandment by choosing to love David more than he loved himself. But wait — doesn’t Scripture tell us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20)? Yes. However, it is also written in Ezekiel 20:18-19 that we are not to imitate ungodly examples set by our parents because the Lord is the ultimate example and absolute moral standard we are to reflect. 

[20:23] Understand this: GOD is the Great Witness to your loyalty to love.

[20:30] Does the Bible actually say what I think it says? Yup! Sure does! Saul called his own child a son of a whore. This is one of the many reasons I love the GOD’s Word — it is so real and honest and doesn’t hide the truth! What can we learn from what is real and honest? Only everything. 

[20:30] There are two important things to take away from this one verse:
{1} Saul accuses Jonathan of wanting David to become king. But would that matter even if it were true? Does it matter what we want? It doesn’t. If our loyalty is to the Lord, then we will find ourselves saying exactly what Jesus had said on the Mount of Olives: “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done” (Luke 22:42).
{2} Saul attempted to give Jonathan a guilt trip by bringing his mother into the conversation. Understand this: those influenced by evil will often attempt to give you a guilt trip in order to manipulate you to let go of your righteous convictions for an unrighteous compromise. And if you desire to please people, you will be more susceptible to compromising your character. 

[20:31] Saul speaks to Jonathan’s prideful desires by reminding him that he will never be king unless his competition is eliminated. Think about it! This was the same tactic Satan used to tempt Jesus while He was in the wilderness (Matthew 4:8-10)! “You can everything you’ve ever wanted!” Think about what that actually meant for Jonathan: he would possess all power, could have anything he wanted, could do anything he wanted, go anywhere he wanted to go, and could even satisfy his lustful desires with as many women as he wanted. Jonathan could fulfill every desire he ever had if he chose to help his father kill David. What would you do? Before you answer, let me remind you of the truthful and wise words of our Lord and Savior:

“And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?”
(Matthew 16:26) -NLT

[20:32] Reminiscent of Jesus overcoming temptation, Jonathan decides to stay loyal to the Lord and to do what’s right by maintaining a REALationship with David. Why? Loyalty to love is loyalty to the Lord. Was his decision easy? No. Did he make the right decision? Yes. But sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are one and the same. 

[20:33] Saul threw a spear at his own son, intending to kill him. Ponder on that. If Saul was willing to kill his own son, was he truly concerned about Jonathan becoming king as he had claimed? Whose kingdom was he really concerned about?  His own. He was only concerned about his own desires. This much was evident in verse 31 when Saul said, “get him so I can kill him.” That one word, “I” tells us everything we need to know about Saul. While David had served him faithfully and sang songs in obedience, the only song Saul knew how to sing was, “Me! Me! Me!” And sadly, Jonathan finally realized the truth about his father. But Jonathan also realized more than ever whose Kingdom he needed to be concerned about:

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”
(Matthew 6:33) -NLT

[20:34] Jonathan left the presence of his father, terribly upset; however, he wasn’t upset because his father tried to kill him; rather, he was upset because of the way his father was acting toward David! We already saw in verse 17 that Jonathan loved David as he loved himself, but this is the action that backs up the words! So, what would Jonathan do now? What should he do? The answer is written:

“No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
(Micah 6:8) -NLT

Four Qualities Of A REALationship:

The friendship that David and Jonathan had with each other is what all believers should strive to achieve with each other. In this chapter alone, there are four main qualities that make this friendship a REALationship. 

1. Though David had been anointed to be the future king, he still had a servant’s heart and chose to bow down to Jonathan in respect (20:41); likewise, Jonathan was willing to serve David (20:4). 
2. Jonathan loved David as he loved his own soul (20:17,34). When the Pharisees asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was, Jesus told them that we are to love GOD with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, but we are also to love our neighbor as we love ourselves and that everything hangs on those two commandments (Matthew 22:36-40).
3. They grieved for each other and desired to live life with shared suffering (20:34,41). (Your pain is my pain, your joy is my joy, etc.) Shared suffering means that we are in this battle together. In fact, that’s what marriage is all about: for better or worse, we are together. 
4. And at the center of it all, their relationship with GOD was the cement that held them together (20:16,23,42). 

If we have a REALationship with GOD, we will naturally have a REALationships with others because we will desire to do GOD’s will, which is the right thing to do. We show loyalty to GOD by doing what’s right; we show loyalty to the Lord by living a life of love. So, a REALationship does what is right by GOD and by others by living a life of love. And this means we should have a servant’s heart, love others as we love ourselves, share others’ sufferings, and align ourselves with GOD’s will. 

Life Application:

Think: Do you have conflicting demands for your loyalty? Sexual attraction, money, alcohol/drugs, or even popularity? What if you see someone getting bullied by a popular person? I believe that deep down inside you know you should defend the person getting bullied, but I’m also aware that many people also don’t want to become unpopular and then become one of the people who get bullied. So, what would you do? What’s the right thing to do? To whom will you show your loyalty? Hopefully by now you realize that the right thing to do is to act out of loyalty to love (the Lord). Our loyalty to the Lord will determine which people should receive our love and loyalty. 

Would you choose to be loyal to your friend over your parent(s) if the Holy Spirit led you to do so? After all, we are not to imitate ungodly examples — even if they are our parents. But, would you be loyal to your parent(s) over your friend(s) if the Holy Spirit led you to do so? Or would that sense of belonging and/or popularity cause you to let go of your convictions and compromise?

Call To Action:

I challenge you to read Psalm 59 (Yes — the entire chapter. Don’t worry — it’s only 17 verses!). Chronologically, Psalm 59 was written by David after Michal (Saul’s daughter) saved David from Saul. Read Psalm 59 and imagine that someone in your school or place of work wrote it. In the “Come And See” challenge, I urged you to find three people who need love the most and to do intentional acts of kindness for them for one month. Think: one of those individuals could be a David, anointed by GOD for greater things, yet he/she is being persecuted by others. Imagine this person calling out to GOD for peace and protection from the persecution. Who are the three people who need love the most? Maybe it’s even that homeless person you always see while you’re on your way to wherever? GOD has anointed these people who need love the most for a greater purpose. GOD is calling you to be the Jonathan for that David. In a REALationship, you will do whatever it takes to love that person as you love yourself. 

• How’s your relationship with GOD? Is it a REALationship?
• How does your REALationship with GOD affect your relationships with others?
• How many REALationships do you have with others?
• If you’re not loving others, what do you think this says about your relationship with GOD? 
• What would you risk losing in order to love people the way GOD commands us to love others? Would you risk losing your entire kingdom and chance at fulfilling your every desire if it meant loving someone the way GOD calls us to do?
• In what ways can you decide to be real loving to those who need love the most?