If you would rather read this message, the words are provided below…
Who am I? Does it matter who I am? Why should you care who I am? Who I am is irrelevant, but I do believe the message I have to share with you is important and is relevant for you and your life. But in order for me to effectively convey that message to you, I need to tell you who I am.
I had once been an angry atheist actor in the entertainment industry who was essentially seeking fame and fortune. I became a Christian in 2004 at the age of 21. By the time I left Hollywood, I had been in 27 different television shows and movies and had also been in a few television commercials as well. However, I was essentially pushed out of the ‘biz’ due to my new-found Christian faith. I eventually came to a crossroad of Christ or compromise. I chose Christ.
(You can see my acting resume in the Internet Movie Data Base in the link below):
IMDB: Trent Gill
But how did I get from being an atheist to becoming a Christian? Though a lot happened in my early life that led up to my being in California at the age of 15, my journey essentially began after I graduated high school early at the age of 16. I grew up agnostic, which is to say that I didn’t know what to believe. All I knew is that the world around me filled me with sadness, confusion, and anger. And that anger caused me to do many things that I now regret. I had done some horrible things in my life prior to being saved. I had lied, cheated, stolen things, destroyed property, hurt people — both emotionally and physically, and I had even murdered animals for ‘fun.’ For the most part, I had lived a selfish life. I had not lived the way GOD had intended me to live. But why would I? I didn’t know GOD existed; further, the culture around me convinced me that the only thing that was important in life is pleasure or happiness.
After I graduated high school early at the age of 16, I didn’t do anything with my life except occasionally film some projects for acting. Oh yeah, and party and get drunk. All that free time provided me with too much time and I spent much of that time thinking about all the evil I saw in the world and all the pain and suffering that came with it. Because I was 16 and knew everything (ha!), I decided I was an atheist. Truly though, I didn’t put much of my own thought into that decision. As I said earlier, the culture that surrounded me more or less indoctrinated me and fed me the belief that the only one who is in charge of my life is myself and the only thing that’s important is that I’m happy. I never heard from GOD. I never saw GOD. I considered that to be case-closed conclusive evidence (or lack thereof) that GOD didn’t exist to me and for me; therefore, GOD didn’t exist anywhere at all. If GOD did exist, why would GOD not make Himself known? After all, I would. And certainly, I know how to be GOD… right?
At one point, I was an atheist who even mocked Christians. Sad, but true. And I felt that other religions were even more ridiculous, but for some reason I targeted Christians. I felt as if Christians believed a lie and they only did so because they were weak and unable to face reality. I always told them that Christ was their crutch. I was full of pride — I believed that everything good that happened in my life was simply because of how awesome I was. I remember that whenever someone complimented me and asked me how I accomplished something, I told them, “Because I’m Trent.” After all, I had played baseball and had a batting average of .538, I played defensive end in football for both my school and a league and both of my teams were undefeated and won the championships. Not only that, but I had the most sacks for both the school and the league. I had also been an all-state wrestler and placed in state. And by the time I was 17, I had become a real actor in Hollywood and had received a lot of praise because of it. Oh, yes — I was awesome… wasn’t I?
However, my confidence was a facade — it was all for show. (Can you believe it? An actor putting on a performance? No way!) I was prideful and believed that I was awesome — true — but at the same time I had extremely low self-esteem and I didn’t believe others liked me — especially females. I had always felt less than adequate. All the females seemed to like the other guys around me because they were bigger, taller, and stronger. I was a small guy. As a freshman in high school, I weighed 85 pounds. That should give you a pretty good idea about how small I was. In fact, I remember being a freshman in high school and looking at all the other neanderthals in the gym locker room with their caveman beards and Austin Powers chest hair and wondering what was wrong with my undeveloped body. But that’s why I wanted to show people that I was awesome. I just wanted other people to tell me that I was awesome. I wanted others to tell me what I already knew was true about myself. I lived for the approval of others yet put on a performance as if I didn’t care what others thought.
Though I had done some bad things in my life, my heart was typically soft and not calloused and I did have a lot of love for people in general. Even as an atheist, I went out of my way to help people. As a side note, that is something that religious people often misunderstand: they tend to think that atheists are bad people who do bad things. But the truth is that a lot of atheists strive to do good in life. Not always, of course, but typically more often than not. I was one of those atheists who tried to do some good. Sometimes I only helped people because I felt obligated to do so, but most of the time I helped people because I genuinely wanted to make their lives better. I started my atheistic journey as a secular humanist, which is to say that I believed that the existence of GOD wasn’t necessary for good to exist in the world.
However, the little sliver of hope for humanity that I had possessed eventually dissipated and I slipped into nihilism. The burdens of life became too much for me and they broke me down. I had a longing to be loved and to find true love, yet I could not obtain what I desired. All of my achievements meant nothing because I didn’t have love. In fact, I felt completely unlovable. At the age of 17, I lost interest in everything and experienced what I thought was the darkest of depression. One night, I spent the late hours crying and I wrote out a suicide letter. (You can read my suicide letter in my book, Last Request, which is the longer and more detailed version of my testimony.)
And I didn’t know it then, but when I got to the end of my suicide letter, GOD flooded my mind with thoughts of all the people in my life whom I respected and loved. I ended up not going through with my suicide because I was too sad to even try. I was going to jump to my death from the top of a California cliff. But instead, I sat there and couldn’t even muster up enough energy to get up to jump off. Can you imagine being that sad? I was so sad that I wanted to kill myself yet I was so sad that I didn’t have enough energy to even attempt my own suicide. I didn’t realize it then, but that was GOD announcing “recalculating” and I actually listened to His direction. Just as a GPS navigation system patiently recalculates with every wrong turn we make, GOD does the same. At that time when I had considered suicide, I didn’t know that it was GOD who had flooded my mind with thoughts of loved ones in order to redirect me away from suicide. GOD used the very thing I longed for the most to prevent me from suicide. And that thing was love. The love for others made me realize that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do because I would be just like the ones who had hurt me. And because GOD works in such awesome and amazing ways, GOD would later use my longing for true love to reveal Himself to me (I’ll get to that soon enough).
A lot of people have failed attempts at suicide, but I had a failed attempt of a failed attempt. I thought to myself, “Am I that much of a loser that I failed at failing? I can’t even fail right!” — After my failed attempt of a failed attempt at suicide, I remember thinking to myself that if I just found true love in the form a gorgeous female, I could be happy. It’s funny to think about now, but it wasn’t funny then. And a lot of us feel that way, don’t we? We say, “If I just had this, then I could be happy. If I only had that, then I could be happy.” For me, that thing was a fairytale romance. I believed that if I only had a relationship with that one special female who could complete me, my troubles would go away. (I’m not certain why I thought that inviting a woman and her complications into my already-complicated life would make life less complicated, but that’s what I thought.) But I also remember telling myself that I would never have a Christian girl as my girlfriend because I would never be able to tolerate her fairytale nonsense. I wanted a fairytale romance yet refused to accept a Christian girl because of her fairytale nonsense? Can you see where this is going? Can you guess what happened? …I ended up falling in love with a Christian girl. How did that happen? It happened because everyone knew that I would go out of my way to help someone. And that’s how I met her.
Her name was Sarina. I met her because she was hanging out with a girl I knew. That girl and Sarina had somehow managed to get stranded somewhere and that girl knew that I would come pick them up and bring them home. And I did. And that’s how I met Sarina. Sarina was unlike any other Christian that I had ever known before — she didn’t judge me and her love for me was genuine. Sarina didn’t try to change me; she only loved me. She had extremely high standards and morals that she applied to herself, but she never tried to change me. It was a little odd because I didn’t quite meet those high standards, yet she somehow saw something in me that I never even saw in myself. And she decided to give me a chance. And we became a couple.
After I already had my heart attached to her, Sarina told me one day that she had a terminal illness known as Cystic Fibrosis (a progressive, genetic disease that causes persistent lung infections, limits the ability to breathe over time, and eventually leads to respiratory failure and causes the victim to suffocate to death). I remember the day she told me as if it were yesterday. Sarina told me that she had a terminal illness and she has had it since she was born. She then told me that she wasn’t going to be alive for a long time and because of that she would understand if I decided not to be with her any longer. But I couldn’t walk away from her — I loved her. You should never walk away from the person you love just because the situation isn’t the way you hoped it would be. True, her condition wasn’t convenient to the lifestyle I had wanted to live, but that didn’t matter. Love should conquer all. She was everything that I had been longing for. How could I walk away from her? I could not and so I did not. I decided to fight the fight with her. And that decision is what ended up changing my life forever.
Despite the challenges of Sarina’s terminal illness, being in the relationship with Sarina was like being on a Disney cruise ship dream vacation. It was an amazing relationship. She truly was the fairytale romance I had always longed for. But her health quickly declined and I ended up living with her in the hospital for a while and spending my time helping her do her treatments. I won’t get into all the details of the treatments, but it wasn’t easy to deal with.
Sarina eventually succumbed to her illness. Her eventual death sank my cruise ship and I was brought down to rock bottom. I thought I had been at rock bottom before when I wrote my suicide letter, but this was truly rock bottom. After all, Sarina was supposed to have been the cure for my depression. She was supposed to be the solution that caused my problems to go away. But she was gone. And what made matters worse was that she died on the very day of our anniversary. I arrived in Ohio with anniversary gifts in hand at the hospital when I found out she died while I was on my way there. I didn’t make it in time. I was with her for exactly one year to the day.
Sarina’s mother — knowing I wasn’t a believer — gave me a Bible at Sarina’s memorial service, which was held in Ohio where she came from and where she died. It was actually The Message translation of the Bible, which is a paraphrased version of the Bible. Had she been anyone else, I probably would have punched that person in the face. Truly, that’s how angry I was that she gave me a Bible. But because it was her mom and I knew she was suffering more than me, I took that Bible. I did not thank her for that Bible, but I did take it.
When I eventually got back home in California, I tossed that Bible in the corner of my bedroom. But every time I ended up walking in and out of that room, that Bible caught the corner of my eye and was like a thorn in my side. It made me angry. It was there at rock bottom that I waged war against GOD and I set out on a mission to find Truth. I went from being in a cruise ship that sank to being on a crusade in a battleship.
The first thing I decided I needed to do was to read the Bible for myself — from cover to cover! I believed that I was going to systematically point out every flaw and contradiction in the Bible. I believed that I was going to prove once and for all that the Bible isn’t true and that GOD did not exist. Toward the beginning of my reading — that being Genesis — I had written many notes of negative thoughts, criticisms, critical questions, and obvious objections. But by the time I had finished reading the entire Bible, I realized that I only had more questions than I had answers. What made matters much more challenging for me was that much of my research had pointed toward Truth being in favor of the Bible. Well, how could that be?! But more than that, my heart began to stir and formulate some belief. Who was this Jesus? Why did I like Him so much? I was confused. It was like Jim Carrey’s Grinch when he felt his heart beat and grow: “Max! Help me! I’m feeling!…. What is happening to me?!”
I then made a decision that I would put forth genuine effort to talk to the GOD of the Bible and ask for GOD to reveal Himself to me. I decided that it was only fair that if GOD did exist, that I must be open to possibility and not start from a point of automatic rejection. So, like René Descartes, I decided it was best to empty myself of all preconceived notions and presuppositions and to start with a blank slate. At that point, I knew I existed but I didn’t know why. That’s how I began my Quest For Truth. It was just as much philosophical as it was spiritual. I started by praying to a GOD I wasn’t sure existed. I asked for signs and miracles. I wanted undeniable proof. What I received was little signs here and there — sprinkles of possibilities and maybes — but I wrote all of them off as being coincidences. They just weren’t convincing.
But then in April of 2004 (about six months after Sarina had passed away), I experienced the first major miracle that would end up changing my life forever. Now, stop and ponder on that for a moment. It took six months of dedicated investigation for me to receive my first miracle. That was six months of silence during six months of searching. Ponder on that. What does that mean to you?
Back when Sarina and I had been together, we had used a specific walking path as part of her treatment process so she could try to breathe better. On that night in April of 2004, I decided to walk on that same path to try to clear my mind and organize my thoughts. While walking along that path, specific Scriptures popped into my mind. The first was Matthew 17:20, which stated that with a mustard seed of faith a mountain could be moved. As soon as that Scripture popped into my mind, I got filled with rage. Oh, I was angry! The idea that a mountain could be moved by faith was so absurd that it made me [figuratively] catch on fire with fury. I felt like Human Torch from the Fantastic Four, except I didn’t feel fantastic and I probably would have just set everything on fire and destroyed stuff.
And while I was angry at the thought of a mountain moving, Matthew 21:19 popped into my mind and then I got angry at the thought of Jesus making a fig tree wither. I stopped walking and started yelling at GOD. Essentially, what I said was that the time was now or never and I was making my decision that night as to whether or not I would believe in the GOD of the Bible. I demanded that if GOD was real, that He show Himself to me. If GOD can show Himself to Moses in a burning bush, then GOD can show Himself to me in a bush! I debated if I wanted to feel dumb, but then I decided that knowing the Truth was more important than the possibility of feeling dumb. And so I pointed at a bush and commanded the life out of it in the name of Jesus by the power of GOD. But immediately, I changed my mind about which bush I wanted to specifically target. The bush that was next to the one I originally chose was much thicker and fuller of life. So I then pointed to the bigger bush and commanded the life out of that one. And then I waited. I stared at those two bushes for what seemed like eternity. Eventually, I realized that nothing was going to happen and so I left, yelling and angry. I felt so stupid! If anyone happened to be watching me, they would have thought I went insane! I talked to bushes!
The next day, I felt completely deflated and defeated. I knew that it was merely a matter of time before I fell back into that dark depression and would consider suicide again. But I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to convince myself not to go through with it next time. By nightfall, I went walking again. My purpose for walking was to try to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I ended up walking on that same path yet again. But when I came to those bushes on that very next night, I saw that those two bushes and only those two bushes had been cut down to stubs. They looked as if someone from the park came in and trimmed them to nothing. All the leaves and limbs were on the ground next to them. I received an answer! It was a miracle! …Wait! Or was it?! <BOOM!> A bomb of doubt immediately exploded in my mind with shrapnel that shredded my moment of belief. Those bushes had been altered by cutting utensils. That means that a human had done it. Not GOD! So had someone witnessed my meltdown moment the night before? Was someone now messing with me? It’s true that only those two bushes had been cut to nothing, but it had obviously been done by a human. Therefore, I had to eliminate it as a miracle! I was filled with rage yet again! I was Human Torch again — flame on! I yelled out at GOD that if He wanted those bushes to be lifeless, He should have done it by His power alone and leave me without any doubt! At best, I could only label it as a coincidence. Yet again.
About a month later, on May 07, 2004, multiple events led up to one horrible night. I had been involved in Hollywood, yet by this time I had completely lost interest in everything associated with that lifestyle. It all just felt so worthless and meaningless. By the end of that horrible night, after leaving a red carpet event, somehow finding myself in Sarina’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment with my friends buying drugs from his roommate, I eventually made it home and felt completely empty and at the end of myself. I didn’t want to live the Hollywood party lifestyle anymore. In fact, I didn’t want to live at all anymore. Again. I was tired of everything and there seemed to be no hope for a fulfilling life. And there seemed to be no answers, only coincidences. Coincidences that I couldn’t count on.
That night, I felt connected to the book of Ecclesiastes and its wisdom that all this life has to offer is smoke that dissipates. You can’t grasp it. It all amounts to nothing. But of course, that’s only if you place your focus on the worldly life. And that’s where it seemed I was at that time. And there it was again, my old familiar friend — darkness. I felt like Simon and Garfunkel had been singing in the background. (Go away Simon and Garfunkel!) I kept thinking about all the collective coincidences I had experienced over the seven months since Sarina’s death. Why had there been so many? Why haven’t any of them given me concrete proof? Why was my entire quest for Truth only leaving me more confused than I had ever been before? I broke down and decided to give the GOD of the Bible one last chance in a desperate attempt to discover Truth. I asked GOD for something. Something! Anything! But something of significance! Something real! Something that I wouldn’t be able to doubt or deny!
That very night, I experienced what I can only call a vision. It was more than just a dream. In my vision, I was at a party, hanging out with celebrities in a casual occurrence. Suddenly, all the clocks began to go crazy and malfunction. I went to the rooftop of the building, with many others also coming out onto the roof. The sky started filling with stars, the stars appearing out of nowhere, getting bigger and brighter as if coming closer. Suddenly, all the stars started falling from the sky. The stars that fell transformed into hail and a massive hailstorm commenced, growing more violent as time went on. I started yelling to the people that we should run, but then some man came up to me and told me that there was no point in running. At that moment, I got hit in the head with a chunk of ice. It hurt! I then held a thick book over my head, but the hail went through the book and hit me in the head again. After that, I decided that the man was wrong and running was a good idea. I ran inside the building and everyone followed after me. While watching the hailstorm from inside, we saw that it became so violent that it started tearing everything down and smashing things. It felt like it even caused the building we were in to collapse in on us. I then woke up and something instructed me to write a message down (which I did — it’s in my book, Last Request).
GOD eventually led me to the interpretation of that dream. The meaning of the dream was that there will come a time when all things, as to the things that pertain to our understanding, will eventually come to an end. It means, when that time comes, time doesn’t exist because there won’t be anymore time left. It’s as if saying, “You had all the time you ever needed to change your life, but now time is up and it’s time to face Judgement.” When the stars fell from the sky, that was to say that even celebrities — the people who are looked up to as people of importance — can and will fall. Status on this Earth means nothing for what is to come. The thick book that I held over my head was the Bible. The hail went through and hit me even with me holding it over my head for protection. That means that religion cannot save you. Knowing GOD’s Word simply isn’t enough. We must also live out GOD’s Word. This is an issue of the heart. The Bible isn’t meant to stay in your head, but to live in your heart and to reside in the whole being of who you are. A changed life will be evident. We can’t hide behind the Bible or Christianity. It is not enough to simply call yourself a Christian. It is not enough to simply be a Christian only on Sundays. Because it was a celebrity event in my vision, that means that people who are led up to be important in this world actually don’t mean a thing when judgment is based upon accepting Christ and loving others.
The interpretation of my vision wasn’t available to me right away. So, that vision without interpretation didn’t bring me to complete confidence in Christ. It made me question my life and the possibility of GOD yet again, but I still could not bring myself to committing my life to Christ. I still was not convinced that GOD absolutely existed. That vision felt so real! I was more open to the possibility of there being a supernatural realm. But I was still confused and full of doubts. I was so frustrated! I asked for something that would remove all doubt. Sure — I actually received something, but that something left me confused! I kept experiencing all these different things, yet nothing seemed absolutely convincing! There was always room for doubt! Everything I ever experienced up to this point, I had been able to write off as being coincidences. Or could I? Were coincidences real? Could I even say that? And especially so many of them?
Later on, the interpretation of the vision also revealed to me that having the Bible, knowing the Bible, and even using the Bible does not exempt me from experiencing a sinful fallen world of pain and suffering. That’s just a part of this fallen world. And that was one of the main issues that kept me from GOD. I simply couldn’t fathom how there could be a loving GOD with so much pain and suffering in this world. And I am convinced that that issue is the main problem for most unbelievers. I eventually (years later) came to understand the big picture and how it all fits together. I wrote articles about the perceived problem of evil and also an article about suffering. But at that time, pain and suffering was a huge hurdle that kept me from belief.
I would eventually receive yet another miracle, but it didn’t come until two months later. So again, it was just another two months of silence while searching. Now, I used to perform for children’s birthday parties. I dressed up as a clown or costume characters. I wore costumes that were worn down, stained, tattered and torn, smelled awful, and should have been replaced years before by newer and cleaner costumes. I did horrible magic tricks, made mediocre balloon animals, gave out cheap and tasteless candy, and entertained children for an hour at a time. (Did I sell it? Do you want to hire me for your child’s next birthday party? Ha!)
Toward the end of July of 2004, my boss called me and told me that someone had called out sick and he desperately needed someone to fill in for a birthday party for one of his important clients. He told me that the location of the party was much farther than I had ever gone before, but that he would pay me a little more if I went. I agreed to go. On July 30th, I picked up the costumes that I would be using for the parties over the weekend (July 31st and August 1st). That very night, I received yet another vision.
In my vision, I was at some unknown location, looking at a lighthouse that was overlooking a cliff. While I was looking at the lighthouse, I saw someone in my peripheral vision standing beside me to my right, but I couldn’t tell who this person was. Every time I looked to my right, there was no one there. But as soon as I looked back at the lighthouse, that person was there again in my peripheral vision. As a whole, the vision was serene. It was a beautiful scenic location. But that was it. I woke up. It felt real — just like the other visions! I felt as if I had actually been there. But so what? What did it mean? At the time, it meant absolutely nothing. And so I wrote it off.
After I woke up and got ready, I pulled out my maps so I could write out the directions to the location of the birthday party. While doing that, I noticed that there was a lighthouse notated on the map, probably about 20 minutes away from the party location. I had never once been to a lighthouse in my life at that time. All I could think about was the vision I had just experienced. But how could I have placed myself at a lighthouse before I knew that I would even be near one? All I could think about the entire time I performed at that birthday party was the lighthouse I saw in my vision and the lighthouse I saw on the map. I messed up everything at that party; I didn’t do anything right. I wasn’t focused. After the party, I drove to the lighthouse that was notated on the map. I drove to the Point Vicente Lighthouse in Rancho Palos Verdes in Southern California.
When I got to the lighthouse, I was filled with both excitement and fear — it was the exact same place I had seen in my vision! Down to the very details of the picnic tables that were there! But what did it all mean?! After soaking in the breathtaking scenery for a long time, it dawned on me that someone had been standing next to me in my vision. What did that mean? Was I supposed to wait there at that location until meeting this mysterious person? Fine! I felt stupid waiting for someone just because of my vision, but— fine! And so, I waited at that lighthouse until the sun set and it was dark. Only one person ever showed up, but it was a girl at a distance and she didn’t even stay long. No one else came. I spent hours at that location and ended up leaving that night more confused than ever. I couldn’t explain why I had seen this lighthouse in a vision before I ever went there in person. And I didn’t know why only half my vision came true. No one stood next to me while I had been there.
I later found out that the person standing beside me in my vision was Jesus. Just like in my vision, Jesus has always been with me yet I never saw Him. And of course, I later found out the significance of the lighthouse and how Jesus is the Light that saves those traveling in the darkness. But at that time, without interpretation, it still wasn’t enough to convince me to completely commit myself to belief in GOD or Christ or Christianity. Somehow, I managed to write it off yet again as just another coincidence.
So far, I had experienced three miracles. It would take five different miracles to finally convince me. So what were the fourth and fifth miracles? For sake of space, I’m not going to explain all the details of the fourth miracle (you can read them in my book), but it arrived three months later in October of 2004 after I had run into an old friend. I had known this girl when I was 16 and ended up running into her again at the age of 21. To make a long story short, this girl ended up confiding in me, telling me that she was a medium and was able to communicate with “the other side.” She ended up giving me messages from “Sarina.” She had been able to tell me intimate details about Sarina and I’s relationship that she should never have known. She ended up convincing me that one of three possibilities was happening: (1) she was either communicating with Sarina; (2) she had communicated with something else that knew intimate details about Sarina and myself; or, (3) she somehow managed to find my hidden journal in my home, read it, and was using the information for some unknown purpose against me. I didn’t like any of those possibilities.
I just wanted to know the truth. Was she a con-artist? Was she trying to get something from me? If so, what was she trying to get? How could she possibly benefit herself by using Sarina? How did she know all those details that she never should have known? I wanted to put pressure on her and essentially interrogate her until I found out the truth of what she was doing and why she was doing it.
What ended up finally convincing me that there was a ‘beyond natural’ (or, supernatural) was when certain things happened that I knew was beyond her control. While I had been with her in person, with our cell phones in plain sight on a table, our cell phones had sent text messages to each other’s phones. The content of the messages were old text messages that had been sent long ago. But each one of those text messages mentioned Sarina by name in the text. And this medium girl told me that “Sarina” communicated with her and told her that she was the cause of the text messages being sent. At one point, “Sarina” even told this girl when she would receive the next text to her phone from my phone and it happened exactly as prophesied. There was no way this medium girl could have predicted that she would receive that text message from my phone at a specific time — especially since I never sent the message yet she still received it from my phone. The prediction was that the final text message would arrive to her phone from my phone when I was with a friend of mine.
The medium girl and I eventually picked up my friend from her work (because she didn’t have a ride home) and we all went to go eat at Jack In The Box together. The medium girl and I had our phones on the table when she received the promised text message from my phone. And the content of the message mentioned Sarina by name yet again. But now I had a witness. And this friend who was the witness was the same girl who used to hang out with Sarina and I while we had been dating. What were the chances of that? It frightened my friend. And truthfully, it frightened me.
The text messages were not sent by either the medium girl or myself. The phones were in plain sight. We had different service providers. I was convinced at that point that something beyond natural caused this communication to occur. But who or what did I communicate with? Finally, I had reached a tipping point and believed that there was a ‘beyond natural.’ But did the existence of the supernatural mean that the GOD of the Bible was real and true? What about all the other religions? I still had a lot to learn and discover at that time.
Now, because the supernatural is a part of my testimony, I need to bring clarity to communication with the other side. Satan only has power if it is given to him, right? But did I give the devil any power? I had to think about that. Assuming that Satan existed, I had to admit that yes — I did give him power. The power that I allowed Satan to hold over me was the fact that I loved Sarina so much that I desperately wanted to believe that I had been communicating with her. But was it her? After much prayer and debate, I eventually decided that I was never going to communicate with the other side again. Not only does GOD’s Word instruct us not to do this (Leviticus 19:31; 20:6; Deuteronomy 18:10-12; Isaiah 8:19; Galatians 5:19-20), but I came to the conclusion that if it had truly been Sarina, then that’s all I needed and my focus should be placed on Jesus where it belongs from that point forward. That’s what Sarina would want anyway — she would have told me to place my focus on Jesus and not her, like she did so many times while we had been dating. However, if it wasn’t truly Sarina, then it was someone or something beyond natural that was pretending to be Sarina. But why pretend to be Sarina? If something was pretending to be Sarina, I shouldn’t be communicating with it anyway. So either way, I determined that I didn’t need to be communicating with the other side and would never do it again. The one good thing that ultimately came from all of it was that I had been forced to acknowledge that there is a beyond natural, or supernatural. And my fifth and final miracle was definitely supernatural.
Shortly after I had decided to commit myself to Christ and to call myself a Christian, I experienced something so scary and sobering that it would solidify my decision. On one particular night, I woke up suddenly and there at the foot of my bed, right in front of me and next to my feet, was blackness. It was in the shape of a human figure, but there were no details that defined this being. There was no face. I didn’t see any outlining of clothing. It was just a black figure. As soon as I saw it, fear overcame me and I panicked. My first reaction was to get my feet away from it, but I wasn’t able to move my feet. They were paralyzed. Then the black figure slowly moved its way toward my head. Once the blackness reached my waist, everything it covered seemed to be paralyzed. In one single moment during my panic, it was as if I heard a voice tell me, “Call upon the name of the Lord and you shall be saved.” Immediately responding to that call of action, I spoke to the blackness and commanded it to be gone in the name of Jesus Christ. As soon as I spoke those words, the blackness vanished and I had been able to move again. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and the belief that cast out doubt. That led me to believe in Jesus with certainty. It was the name of Jesus that caused that black figure to vanish. It wasn’t the names of Vishnu, Allah, Muhammad, or Buddha. I didn’t spout off some fortune cookie Confucianism to cast it away. It was the name of Jesus.
Understand this: prior to 2004, I never had experiences like what I experienced that year. And I have never again had any experiences like them since then. The year 2004 was the year of miracles and the year I dedicated my life to Christ. However, it took a year from the time Sarina died to the time I committed myself to Christ. I still had unanswered questions. I was still confused about a lot of things. I still continued my investigation for my Quest For Truth. But I knew Jesus saved me and was ultimately guiding me to the Truth I desired to know.
And it all started with my heart’s desire to know and experience true love. That desire placed me on a cruise ship where I experienced my fairytale romance story with Sarina. But I was eventually forced off that cruise ship. Once off that cruise ship, I placed myself in a battleship against GOD. However, Jesus eventually sank my battleship. After my battleship sank, I sank to the bottom. While at the bottom, feeling as though I would drown, I saw that Jesus had put Himself down there on my behalf and He pushed me up to the surface. Once at the surface, I noticed that Christ left the lifeboat intact. The battleship had been destroyed, but the lifeboat was available for me.
In the Genesis 3:9, when Adam and Eve had sinned, they hid from GOD out of shame and GOD asked Adam, “Where are you?” Understand this: GOD didn’t ask Adam where he was because GOD didn’t know. GOD knew exactly where Adam was, but He wanted Adam to realize where he truly was at in life (which was the wrong place) and to confess it.
And after Jesus sank my battleship, while I floated in the sea of sin, Jesus asked me, “Where are you?” Like Adam in the garden, I admitted that I was in the wrong place. I repented, asked for GOD’s guidance, and then accepted His forgiveness. And then Christ essentially announced, “Recalculating…” — It was at that point that I made a decision to listen to GOD’s guidance and get into the lifeboat that He had waiting for me. How did I get saved? How did I receive the peace and joy I was never able to obtain through my own tireless efforts? I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and I made a decision to align myself to GOD’s absolute moral standard and follow GOD’s directions. Jesus accomplished what we were never able to accomplish on our own. Jesus saved me from myself by doing what I could never do by my own efforts.
If you want to experience my journey in detail as I had experienced it, you can do that by reading my book, “Last Request” so that you may fully comprehend GOD’s love for me. And that’s just my story. Jesus saved me from myself, but Jesus can do the same for you and all of your loved ones as well. In fact, He already did! It is finished! We know it’s finished because it is written in John 19:30 and Mark 16:6! All you need to do is simply accept what Jesus did for you, repent, ask for GOD’s guidance, and accept His forgiveness. GOD’s mercy is the fact that GOD doesn’t give us what we do deserve, which is separation from Him due to our sins. GOD’s grace is the fact that GOD gives to us what we do not deserve, which is union with His Holy perfection and love despite our sins. Jesus already became the necessary sacrifice to atone for sins. All you need to do is confess Christ, live a life of obedience in a new life in Christ, and praise Him for what He did, what He is currently doing, and what He will do.
In all my investigative research throughout all other major world religions and beliefs, man attempts to earn his way to salvation. Christianity is unique, not only in historical accuracy, but also in the Truth that GOD came to man with salvation. Jesus pursued me with passion because He loves me. All my life, I desired to know and experience true love. When all was said and done, I finally learned what true love is all about. And the picture of true love looks like Jesus willingly sacrificing Himself to save me even though I never did anything to deserve His love. He died for us knowing full well that a lot of us would refuse to live for Him. Yet with his His arms spread out open on the cross, He told us, “I love you this much.”
When I finally heard His voice and was able to recognize it as GOD speaking to me, I opened up and let Him in. And when I finally allowed Jesus within, my entire life changed outwardly as if I were a lamp on a lampstand, presenting the Light to everyone still lost in the darkness of this world. The knowledge of this true love brought me to say, “Jesus, You died for me? Of course I will live for You!”
Let me as you a question: Isn’t it time for real change? Jesus is pursuing you right now. Do you think it’s a coincidence that you now know my testimony and that I’m pointing you to Jesus? Just because you know of Jesus, doesn’t necessarily mean that you know Jesus. I know my Savior. I know who pushed me up from the depths of despair when I was drowning. I know who pulled me up into the lifeboat and showed me the light of the lighthouse. I know who cast out the darkness in my life. I know Jesus. If you want to know Jesus in a real and powerful way that will completely change the way you see things and the way you live, invite Him into your heart right now and ask Him to align your thoughts to His will and to change you from the inside out!
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”
(Revelation 3:20) -ESV
Will you let Him in?
[Have questions? Read my other article: “Why I Am A Christian & What I Believe”]
Quest For Truth 
Such a powerful testimony thanks for sharing so glad you found Him
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