Who here knows the definition of honesty? Today, I need you to be honest with me, but more importantly, I need you to be honest with yourself. To all the men reading this: how many of you would get upset if your girlfriend/wife intentionally looked at another naked man? To all the women reading this: how many of you would get upset if your boyfriend/husband intentionally looked at another naked woman? Now I pose this question to all of you: how many of you would get upset if your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife got pleasure from what he/she saw? How many of you would get upset if your boyfriend/girlfriend/ husband/wife masturbated to the image that he/she saw? An image of a person who is not you?
The emotion that would arouse anger and cause you to feel upset is called jealousy, and jealousy often stems from insecurity. But insecurity within a romantic relationship often arises due to mistrust and misconduct.
I just posed some questions to you, questions which invoked responses in many of you to ultimately feel upset. It is quite easy to dislike something or get upset over it when it affects you personally, but are you able to examine yourself in equivalent scenarios to realize what consequences your choices/decisions truly have on yourself as well as others? The questions I asked you to answer specifically described a pervasive plague known as pornography — it is a plague that we should exclude from our lives at all times and in all places.
The Greek word poneros is translated as “degenerate” or “diseased.” It carries the meaning of being a deep-rooted virus that spreads its poison with malice, and is the root form of the English word pornography.
At the age of 16, I fell into the addicting and loveless trap of pornography. I am not proud of it; in fact, I regret having ever partaken in the lustful acts. Unfortunately, my horrible mistakes led to feeling empty inside. Fortunately, that emptiness within me eventually brought me to discover the shocking truth about pornography’s damaging and lasting effects it has on millions of people worldwide.
Pornography changes what men and women expect from each other, creates dissociation from reality, destroys relationships, and distorts children’s ideas of sex and sexuality.
Pornography Changes Expectations
1. A University of Alabama researcher and professor of psychology, Dolf Zillmann asserts, “What has been labeled “pornotopia” tells [men] what joys they might, could and should experience…. [men] are readily left with the impression that “others get more” and that whatever they themselves have in the intimate relationship is less than what it should be. This comparison, of which pornography consumers may or may not be fully aware, is bound to foster sexual dissatisfaction or greatly enhance already existing dissatisfaction.” [Zillmann, p. 565-85]
2. In Glamour magazine, an article on body image included “the explosion of porn” on a list of reasons why women struggle with their appearance. The article goes on to say it’s hard for women to find a guy whose standards haven’t been distorted by porn or the media.” [Dominus, p. 219]
3. The images on porn sites/movies do not depict an accurate reflection of real life. Males and females are not going to be airbrushed and flawless when nude. Not all males are going to possess a massive man-stick, six-pack abs, impeccable pectorals, bulging biceps, and to-die-for triceps. In the same sense, a man can’t persistently click on different options to order up the perfect female. Porn sites create unrealistic expectations that will most likely never be matched in real life, which creates disappointments and dissatisfactions in romantic relationships.
Pornography Creates Dissociation From Reality
1. Mark Schwartz, clinical director of the Masters and Johnson Clinic in St. Louis, asserts, “No matter how you look at it, pornography is always a sign of disconnection; those who seek it out often do so because of boredom or dissatisfaction elsewhere in their lives, particularly in their relationships.” [Time.com]
2. Pamela Paul, who has contributed to publications in Psychology Today, states in her book, Pornified, “One of the major attractions of pornography is that it is dissociated from real-life pressures, emotional entanglements, and commitment…. Habitual male consumers of mainstream pornography… appear to be at a greater risk of becoming sexually callous toward female sexuality and concerns.” [Paul, Pamela]
3. Because nudity is so easily accessible online, and sexual desires can be fulfilled by a click of a button, real females become burdens to males who expect women to exist without their own personal agendas. Porn sites/movies create a selfish mindset which delegates a need to please only one. Although it may be easier to dissociate from real life and avoid commitment, it is unhealthy to do so. A healthy romantic relationship is an emotional connection between two people in which they make a dedicated decision to be faithful to one another.
Pornography Destroys Relationships
1. A nationally representative poll found that overall, 34% of women see men using pornography as cheating in absolutely all cases; only 17% of men equated pornography with cheating; and 41% of men say pornography should never be considered cheating when only 18% of women felt the same way. [Pornified/Harris poll]
2. Marlene Spielman, a New York psychotherapist, states, “Men I counsel generally keep pornography a secret from their partners. They know they shouldn’t be doing it because they’re in a relationship because – let’s face it – when you masturbate with pornography, you really are with someone else, one way or another.” [Paul, Pamela]
3. A desire to watch or look at pornography while in a romantic relationship is a sign that there is a flaw within the relationship and is therefore not a healthy desire. A person in a healthy romantic relationship should not only desire to be faithful to his/her partner, but he/she should also desire to refrain from harming said companion. And returning to the nationally representative poll mentioned earlier, men may believe that they are not hurting their partners, when in fact, they are.
4. At an annual meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (a gathering of the nation’s divorce lawyers), nearly two-thirds of the attorneys present accredited the Internet for a rise in divorces; 58% of the rise was the result of a spouse looking at excessive amounts of pornography online. [A.A.M.L.]
5. Time is the only currency humans spend that can never be replenished. Porn sites/movies take away time and energy that could otherwise be spent on growing and nurturing relationships, family, or personal goals. Time spent on porn sites/movies is time wasted.
6. Relationships that need pornography do not coincide with reality. If the love within the romantic relationship cannot ignite a passion that burns outside influence into ash of nonexistence, it is weak and needs to be examined closer. Why would pornography be necessary if your partner was enough? Is the nude body of your partner not enough to cause arousal? If the nude body of your partner was indeed enough to cause arousal, why would pornography be necessary? The passion of a healthy romantic relationship is love. Love exists within a healthy romantic relationship 100% of the time, and a healthy romantic relationship can exist without pornography 100% of the time; therefore, healthy romantic relationships do not need pornography to exist because love exists even if pornography does not exist. Pornography does not originate from love. Everything that is of love belongs in a healthy romantic relationship. Because pornography is not of love, it does not belong in a healthy romantic relationship and is therefore not good and should be excluded.
Pornography Distorts Children’s Ideas Of Sex And Sexuality
1. A 2004 study by Columbia University found that 11.5 million teenagers have friends who regularly view Internet pornography and download it. [Radsch, Courtney]
2. According to a 2001 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, 70% of 15-17 year-olds admitted to “accidentally” stumbling across pornography online. [www.kff.org]
3. A 2004 study by the London School of Economics found that 60% of kids who use the Internet regularly come into contact with pornography. [Mark Prigg and Paul Simms]
4. A study by Congress found that of the nation’s 70 million Internet pornography users, 16% — or 11 million — were under the age of 18. [Washington Post]
5. To know how pornography affects adults is sad, but to know that it affects children is absolutely devastating. Children have a natural inclination to learn and so they absorb information. But the information learned from pornography does not coincide with reality. Furthermore, if children put into practice what they learn from pornography, they will grow to form horrible habits and beliefs that surround the information learned which will make it extremely difficult to correct as time goes on.
So obviously, pornography creates many problems, but the main problem that arises from this contemptible copulation is the deterioration of the meaning of love. Fortunately, there is a solution that will restore the true meaning of love and the answer could be called altruism. For those of you who don’t know what altruism means, it means “the principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others.” [www.dictionary.com] I.e., the answer is to live out the true definition of love — to understand the ramifications of our actions and make choices that are aligned with love. So, how can we live out the true definition of love?)
Be Informed
First and foremost, one must be educated if he/she does not wish to remain trapped within a prison of ignorance. One should possess a desire to know Truth and the perseverance of pursuing it until Truth is obtained. It is quite difficult to live a life of love if one lives a life of complacency. Complacency is “a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger.” [www.dictionary.com] Many people don’t examine the motives of their actions and/or don’t consider the consequences their actions will have on others. Seemingly harmless decisions can produce deadly results.
Think Of Others
You may have free will, but this planet or country was not created for you alone. Everything you do or do not do will produce a consequence whether good or bad. Think before you speak; think before you act. Consider the implications: how far will the reach of your decision extend and whom will be affected?
Practice
In order to formulate a habit or become good at something, one must practice. Michael Jordan became great at basketball because he practiced playing basketball. Tiger Woods became great at golf because he practiced playing golf. Payton Manning became great at football because he practiced playing football. Just as those men practiced to become great in the area of sports, we should practice loving others on a daily basis. Practice thinking of others. Practice considering the consequences before taking action. Practice, practice, practice.
Visualize
1. A transformation has occurred on Earth, in the form of technological advancements, that have developed the world over the past 20 years insomuch that the species who produced the new technologies are the same class of individuals who are now struggling to remain in control over the alteration they have created. There are numerous advancements in the realm of technology that have affected many of people whom are associated by particular categories. One category in particular that technology has affected is the category of romantic relationships; recent technology has enabled pornography to grow; pornography affects romantic relationships. The influence of pornography has completely changed the mindset of romantic relationships and is now dictating how people interact with each other.
2. If the solutions of being informed, thinking of others, and practicing a life of love are not put into practice, bad consequences will ensue [just as they have for quite some time]. Electronic engineering has generated more than mere profit for adult-only stores, it has also produced jealousy amongst males who find it somewhat impossible to compete with what has been created through the means of technology. In the article, “Boys, Don’t Be Jealous of Her Toys – Play Along!,” the author describes his visit to a sex toy exposition:
“Walking around the display halls, I realized that it is impossible for a man to feel good about himself when confronted with a few thousand wall-mounted penis replicas that look as if they had been exposed to radiation at a Nevada test site. A zucchini of such dimensions would win blue ribbons at every county fair…. Can you blame us [for our jealousy]? In case you have been living in some undisclosed location, men now have a set of body insecurities — abs, hair, biceps, rear, teeth — that parallel the ones with which women have long been blessed. And now we have to compete with battery-operated boyfriends. Is it too skinny, too curved, too short? Does it look like Curly from the Three Stooges? Does the helmet remind you of Darth Vader?” (Alexander, Brian)
3. As humorous as the passage in that article is, the feeling of inadequacy is anything but funny for males who are forced to compete with unnatural concoctions (yes, that was an intentional play on words). Most of these machines are bigger than we could ever dream to be, even with the help of another recent invention — Viagra. If women use these monsters to please themselves, is it any wonder that many guys have trouble getting their women to orgasm? At adameve.com, they have a sex toy called the “All American Whopper.” [www.adameve.com] I won’t speak for other males, but the last thing I want to think about when I enter Burger King is how the size of my meat, and the meat I’m about to purchase, doesn’t compare to a different kind of Whopper. From a male’s perspective, sex toys negatively affect romantic relationships; therefore, sex toys also negatively affect romantic relationships for females. If confidence is stripped away from us males, the females will have to rely on themselves for pleasure, which will destroy the romantic relationships between people and would be dysfunctional. A lack of love is not good. Pornography and the branches that stem from it were created out of selfishness and greed, not love.
4. The Bible states, “Be careful that your freedom does not cause those who are weak in faith to fall into sin.” [The Bible, New Century Version. Thomas Nelson, Inc. 2005] Now, even if you don’t believe in GOD or the Bible, I’m sure we can still agree that the message makes sense logically — our actions produce results — results that will either help or harm others. Pornography is a monopoly that exists at the expense of others’ well being. Pornography causes millions of people to fall into what the Bible refers to as “sin,” and experts already agree that it changes what men and women expect from each other, creates dissociation from reality, destroys relationships, and distorts children’s ideas of sex and sexuality.
Positive Reinforcement
Although being informed and being aware of negative consequences benefit us, let us focus on positive reinforcement. Each person is blessed with specific gifts or talents. We are capable of inventing things that can either help or harm (see my argument, “What Are You Creating?). So, why invent things that can harm others? Why create things that are destructive? The effects that technologies have on us are limited by our choices. If we choose to build, construct, or invent on a foundation on love, then the effects of future technologies will lead to many people being helped rather than harmed. Why make choices that will harm others when loving others brings so much joy and fulfillment to the world?
Summary
People all over the world are getting hurt and/or directly/indirectly hurting others because of pornography and its branches of sin. Once again, pornography changes what men and women expect from each other, creates dissociation from reality, destroys relationships, and distorts children’s ideas of sex and sexuality.
Call To Action
I challenge all of you today: if you have any pornography at home, out of love and respect for yourself and/or your significant other, get rid of it! Throw it away! Burn it! Destroy it! Furthermore, I challenge you to exclude it from your lives in all places and at all times.
Conclusion:
1. The Bible, in James 4:17, it is written: “Anyone who knows the right thing to do, but does not do it, is sinning.” [The Bible, New Century Version. Thomas Nelson, Inc. 2005] Once again, even if you don’t believe in GOD or The Bible, I’m sure we can still agree that the message makes sense logically. And now that you know that Truth about pornography, you no longer have an excuse of ignorance — you are now aware of the dangers that pornography possesses and you will be held accountable. From now on, you know what is right and if you do not do what is right, you will be sinning.
2. The late and great Martin Luther King, Jr. once posed a powerful question to the clergymen of Alabama in his renowned letter, “Letter from a Birmingham Jail.” He asked, “So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love?” [King Jr., Martin Luther] I implore everyone to examine the motives and intentions of each and every choice and decision you make. I choose to live an extreme life of love (not lust), and I urge others to do the same.
In conclusion, sex matters.
Quest For Truth 
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