What Is Love?

The following article is Lesson 3 from my book, Superhero University: The Ultimate Superhero Training Manual:

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Superheroes, having the correct understanding of what is good and right, are full of love, and they are compelled to act out from love. This is the only reason we can distinguish the hero from the villain. Spider-Man doesn’t save a falling person from splatting on the ground because he hates the person he saves, right? The superhero saves someone from danger/death because he/she has love for the person he/she is saving. In stark contrast, the villain performs acts of evil, not love. Again, evil is merely a privation of what is good; hatred is a privation or lack of love. It is written in James 2:8 that we are doing right by living a life of love toward others. But what is love? 

Love is not something we can have or hold like materialists would like us to believe. Not everything in life can be boiled down to materialism. Think about it: Can you describe the physical features of love or even the thought about love? How much does love weigh? Of what is the love molecule comprised? There is no infinity stone of love we can possess that can be contained in a gauntlet. In fact, of all the infinity stones Thanos (from the Avengers) had been able to collect that provided him with seemingly unlimited power and ability, it is evident that he lacked love, and that is why he had no qualms about murdering half of the created creatures in the universe—including his own daughter! In fact, Thanos had to sacrifice love in order to be able to obtain one of the infinity stones. Ultimately, Thanos traded love for power because he could not possess both. 

But what is love? And why do humans possess the capability to love? If love is not a material that can be weighed, or measured, how are humans able to possess love? How do we even know that love exists? Does love exist? We know that love exists—not because humans have defined the term—but because the Creator provided the definition of love and humans live by that defined divine design. 

Think about this: Oxygen—the air we breathe—exists whether humanity believes in it or not. In fact, oxygen exists even if humans call it something else. Humanity never created or invented oxygen; we merely discovered it. Likewise, love exists whether humanity believes love exists or not. Love exists even if humans call it something else. In fact, the definition of love is so confused by many humans because they believe it to be something it is not. Many people misuse the word love when they are actually referring to something else that love is not. And this is why it is important that the word love be clearly defined. 

(1 John 4:7–8, NLT)
“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

(1 John 4:19, ESV)
“We love because he first loved us.”

Scripture makes sense. If GOD is love, then we would love because GOD first loved us because GOD created us. We are able to love because GOD is love and we are from GOD. If love is GOD, then we must know who GOD is so we can better understand what love is. So who is GOD? We will examine that in detail in Lesson 32, but for now suffice it to say that GOD is love and the absolute moral standard and therefore provides the definition of love (which we will soon examine and define). But we can also better understand love by examining what love is not. 

Love Is Not An Emotion 

Many people in the world claim that love is an emotion, but that simply isn’t true. Love affects our emotions and even causes us to produce emotions within us, but love is not an emotion in and of itself. You may claim that you can feel as if someone loves you, but love is not a feeling. 

Love Is Not Sexual Intercourse 

It is unwise to confuse sex for love and love for sex. Sex needs love to be relevant and meaningful; however, love does not need sex to be relevant and meaningful. A person can have sex with another person simply for the pleasure all while possessing no love for that individual. Examples of this, of course, is prostitution or rape. Such acts of sexual intercourse are meaningless because there is no love in the act of sex. That kind of sex serves a selfish purpose, but has no ultimate meaning. And of course, sex isn’t necessary for love to exist, to be relevant and be meaningful (I will expound upon this later when I define love). Now sex may be found in one of the definitions of love (Eros—I’ll get to this soon), but Eros is within the definition of love; love is ultimately selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. A distorted desire is often misconstrued, mistaken as love. It is unwise to confuse lust for love. 

Even if love is not an emotion, a feeling, or even the act of sexual intercourse, does it matter if love can be clearly defined? If so, why does it matter? Consider what is written: 

(1 Corin. 13:1–3, NLT)
“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.”

The definition of love matters because GOD is love and GOD created us in His image (Gen. 1:27). For without GOD, love would not matter because life would ultimately be meaningless and purposeless. And if we are to be loving beings, it is important that we understand the definition of love. 

What Is Love? 

(1 Corin. 13:4–8, NLT)
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

Love Is an Action 

Though it is not specifically and solely the act of sexual intercourse, love is definitely an action; it is something we do. Read verses 4–7 again and take notice of the fourteen different active descriptions the Holy Spirit (via Paul) uses to define love (patience, kindness, etc.). It’s important to note that this is not Paul’s definition of love, but the definition of love written by Paul while he was inspired by the Holy Spirit. 

Love Is a Choice 

The fourteen active descriptions are actions that we choose to do or not to do. There’s a nonsensical saying that states, “You can’t help who you love.” But yes—you can! We get to decide if we love and who we will love if we decide to love. And this is because we have free will (discussed in Lesson 41). 

Also, there’s a saying that states, “I fell in love.” It sounds so romantic, but this is also nonsense. Love is not a hole or trapdoor we can fall in. You don’t fall in love any more than you fall out of love. Love is a choice. You choose to love. You choose not to love. People do not fall in love; people decide to love. People do, however, fall into the trapdoor of lust. When people talk about love at first sight, what they really mean is lust at first sight. Now is it possible to possess love for someone at first sight? General love? Yes. Complete love? No. Love in the sense that you want the best for someone? Yes. Love in the sense that you desire the best for someone despite all his/her flaws and mistakes? No. It’s not possible to love someone so deeply at first sight because you wouldn’t know the flaws and mistakes associated with the person. And how is it possible to truly love someone unless you love despite the flaws and mistakes? 

Love, in a nutshell, is the good you will show toward someone and/or others. It’s treating someone else with the qualities described in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7. Take the Supreme Superhero (Jesus) as an example (after all, the Savior is the definition of love and the ultimate example of love): 

(John 15:12–13, NLT)
“This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

However, the Supreme Superhero goes even further by commanding us to love our enemies (Matt. 5:43–48). And then the Savior did exactly that—Jesus went out and laid down His life for us by dying on the cross as our atoning sacrifice while being mocked, spat on, beaten, lacerated, and murdered by those who hated Him for no good reason. Love is caring more for others than for self because love is selfless. Love is sacrificial. Love is unconditional. 

Love Defined 

Unlike the English language, which uses the one word of love ambiguously, the ancient Greek language used different words to define the one word of love so that people wouldn’t be confused as to which definition of love should be inferred. Examine the four following words and their associated definitions: 

• Storge/stergo—This is a familial love such as the love of a parent toward offspring and vice versa. Devotion can be a key word associated with this type of love.

• Phileo—This love is companionable and relational. It means brotherly/sisterly love or friendship. It carries the idea of two or more people who feel compatible with each other.

• Eros—This is the word for sexual or romantic love. In fact, this is where we get the word erotic. This word implies a sexual demand. And because it is unwise to confuse lust for love, it is imperative that we not confuse lust for Eros. The passion and intimacy of Eros is to be confined within the covenant bond between husband and wife, as was designed by the Designer. Lust is only about the pelvic thrust, to seek pleasure and fulfill a selfish desire. Lust is committed only to fulfilling a distorted desire whereas love (eros) is committed to fulfilling the needs of the partner within the covenant union. Therefore, be wise: pursue love and reject thoughts produced from the lustful lair of the Liar—they are lies created in the cave of the contemptible con artist and Counterfeiter, the Salesman that is Satan. Don’t buy the lies. Even a lustful look is adultery in the heart (Matt. 5:28). Money can’t buy you love. And no—that’s actually not from the Beatles—it’s from the Song of Solomon 8:7.

• Agape—This is the highest and deepest level of love. This is the ultimate love and is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. This is the love of GOD. This is the type of love all superheroes should possess. 

(1 Pet. 4:8, NLT)
“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

Love covers a multitude of sins? Is that true? Yes! In fact, that is exactly what Jesus did for us:

(Rom. 5:6–8, NLT)
“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

For love, compassion is the key and empathy is everything: 

(Luke 23:34, NLT)
“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”

Jesus is able to see us as His precious people, not a pervasive problem such as a plague. The Savior sees us as eternal beings, not mortal enemies. The Supreme Superhero sees us as family who belong in His heavenly home, not failures to be flung in the fiery furnace. Hell is where evil belongs and will ultimately be quarantined, but GOD doesn’t desire for us to go to that awful place. In fact, the Lord desires for everyone to be saved and doesn’t take any delight in the destruction of the wicked (Ezek. 18:21–23; 33:11; 1 Tim. 2:4; 2 Pet. 3:9). 

Jesus is our awesome, ardent advocate who absorbed for us the penalty of sin. Apostle Paul assists us by providing an important reminder that helps us put people into proper perspective: 

(Eph. 6:12, NLT)
“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”

It is of the utmost importance that all superheroes remember this: we are to hate evil/sin, but we are to love people. 

Conclusion 

1. Love never fails. 

(Song of Sol. 8:7, NLT)
“Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.”

2. Love perfects us. 

(1 John 4:12–18, NLT)
“No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”

3. Love is supreme. 

(1 Corin. 13:13, NLT)
“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”

Reflection 

If you want to be a superhero, you must possess love and choose to love others. A superhero can only be a superhero if the hero first and foremost possesses love for others. Do you possess love for others? If not, you resemble a villain. But wait—is that a fair statement? Consider the words of the Supreme Superhero:

(Matt. 12:30, ESV)
“Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”

The late and great Martin Luther King Jr. once posed a powerful question to the clergymen of Alabama in his renowned letter, “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” He asked, “So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love?” 

And that’s not a fallacy of false dilemma—if we’re not loving others, then…we’re not loving people. Therefore, I implore everyone to examine the motives and intentions of each and every choice/decision you make. Are you able to recognize good from bad? Right from wrong? Are you living a life of love or hate? For if you’re not living a life of love, what are you doing and what is your life? I choose to live an extreme life of love (not lust), and I urge you to do the same. Don’t scatter. Be a gatherer. Ironically, the best way to be a gatherer of people is to scatter seeds of love. How many seeds of love can you sow today? 

So ask yourself, do you love others? From where did you get this desire to love? Do you feel compelled to act out from love? If so, why do you think that is? All superheroes possess love for people. If you love people, then you possess one of the qualities of a superhero and you just might be one someday! 

Superhero: Supreme Sacrifice

 

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If you would rather read this message, the words are provided below:

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This is Part 6 of my Superhero series. In the introduction of this series, I provided the argument that heroes are real and then I distinguished between heroes and superheroes. I also provided a list of what defines a superhero. In Part 1, we learned that superheroes recognize the absolute standard of Good and realize that evil is a mere privation of what is good. In Part 2, we learned that superheroes recognize the absolute moral standard and realize that what is wrong can only be known by the standard of what is right. In Part 3, I defined and expounded upon love because all superheroes are full of love and are compelled to act out from love. In Part 4, I explained that superheroes desire to save people from all forms of danger and/or death and this desire comes from love. In Part 5, we learned that superheroes are solution seekers.

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In this message (Part 6), I’m going to examine another defining characteristic of superheroes: they are selfless and sacrificial!

Many legends, comic books, and movies showcase heroes or superheroes who are willing to sacrifice their lives in order to save the lives of others. The ancient Greek legend of Damon and Pythias tells a tale of sacrificial love between two friends. Spider-man was one of the superheroes who ended up dying due to his decision to love sacrificially. One of the greatest moments in comic book history was when Superman chose to love people even if it meant that fighting Doomsday would lead to his death – which it did!

But why do so many comics and movies depict sacrificial love as being something ultimately good? This needs to be examined – especially if you’re not a Christian.

In an atheistic worldview, one must consider sacrificial love to be stupid and/or wrong. Allow me to explain… For atheism to be true, materialism and naturalism needs to be true in order to provide answers to the most basic or crucial questions regarding life and the meaning to life. For example, I recently had a conversation with an atheist who believes everything to be mere matter – including the brain. He objected to my statement that the mind exists distinctively apart from the brain. The conversation I had with this man, whom I shall refer to as Chad, is as follows:

Chad: Are you saying a mind is made of something other than matter? If so, what? And by what method did you determine this? What does it mean for a mind to exist “distinctly apart” from a brain and what data/testing supports this conclusion?

Trenton: Answer this: Of what molecules does the thought consist? How much does a thought weigh? What does a thought look like? If your brain and mind are one and the same, what is a thought? If your brain is merely matter, what does a thought matter? If you are merely reacting (not responding), how can you trust your own thought? What do you personally believe regarding the thought? Explain.

Chad: Nothing in your response resembled an answer. You made a claim that matter cannot produce a mind. This is a positive claim. I’d like to know how you came to that conclusion. All I could deduce from your article and comment is: you don’t understand exactly how the brain/mind functions, therefore you’ve concluded something non-material (whatever that means) exists…? You seem like a bright person and yet beneath your intellect you attempt to shift the burden of proof for your claim onto me by trying to stump me with questions. Even if I answer, I don’t know, this does not make you correct. Are you going to substantiate your claim or not?

Trenton: I knew you wouldn’t know the answers to the questions I asked. And yes – that’s why I asked them. I want you to recognize the amount of faith you possess in your belief. The brain 🧠 as mere matter cannot account for thoughts 💭 – especially thoughts that ought to be trusted as anything meaningful. Mere matter merely reacts. If I were mere matter, explain how I would be able to plan ahead with responses for actions that haven’t yet happened. Planning ahead is proactive, not reactive. The point I’m making is that I simply don’t have enough faith to be a materialist. And I don’t even need to prove with absolute certainty that my Christian worldview is true. I need only to show that it is the most reasonable of all beliefs. And that can be done by presenting the entire collection of evidence for Christianity. The existence of life, minds, personalities, logic and abstract items, the fact that the universe had a beginning, why there’s something rather than nothing, intelligent design, love, and objective morality. Not to mention historical documents and archaeology that corroborates what is written. The list is grand. But all the other worldviews fail to sail and ultimately sink. Your argument was to say I don’t yet understand the workings of the brain and I therefore jumped to an unwarranted conclusion of a non-material mind. But by presupposing a materialistic or naturalistic view, one can easily say you lack understanding of the supernatural and stop short at the brain. But brain that’s mere matter wouldn’t even matter. That kind of brain cannot account for sacrificial love and nor should it. If life is a program of survival, sacrificial love would be a malfunction, not an innate desire to fulfill a greater purpose. I did not shift the burden of proof on to you. I merely called attention to your burden. I have a burden of proof for my Christian worldview. My entire article (Why I Am A Christian) is dedicated to that burden. But you also make a positive claim because you possess a belief. You need to provide for your claims. In the end, the one whose case is best supported should be believed. So, like it or not, you need to answer the questions I posed to you, even if only for yourself.

I then went on to offer Chad some reading material that would help him further understand the untenable position of the atheistic worldview, including former atheist Antony Flew’s book, “There Is No A God: How the world’s most notorious atheist changed his mind“. Sadly, Chad cut off contact with me and we never got to continue our conversation. Perhaps Chad got frustrated because he was seeking a short answer to attain Truth; however, Truth is not so simple and there is much that needs to be explained. But perhaps Chad got upset because he started to see that mere matter can’t possibly matter in the big picture.

Inevitably, some atheists will contend that love is still valuable and that there can still exist meaning in life apart from GOD. Atheism can only branch off into two possible paths: Secular humanism or nihilism. Secular humanists, unlike nihilists, strive to create good and make life better for others. That’s commendable. But secular humanism relies upon naturalism, unverified evolution, and moral relativism. But moral relativism is absolutely absurd. The major problem that atheists encounter is that what they consider to be good could only be considered good if an objective standard of good exists. Further, what they consider meaningful would still be without purpose because everything and everyone ultimately comes to nothing. The atheist simply cannot live both happily and consistently; even if the atheist lives happily, that person cannot live consistently. For the atheist, a meaningful moment of saving someone’s life is still rendered pointless in a purposeless existence. And this is why secular humanism will inevitably collapse in on itself and find itself in nihilism, which is a dead end that focuses on the finality of death yet unable to explain why life exists at all.

Like it or not, if atheism is true, sacrificial love would be a malfunction that leads to suicide rather than self-preservation and is thus considered stupid or wrong because evolution apparently programed people to instinctively survive, not sacrifice. And without GOD, life is purposeless and anything other than pleasure is pointless. Thus, in an atheistic worldview, one should only live for him/herself and sacrificial love would be a waste of a cosmic coincidence of an accidental life that is soon to expire.

But if sacrificial love is a malfunction and should not be valued or praised, why do so many comics, movies, and news articles showcase sacrificial love and promote it as an ultimate good? For example, the movie, Hacksaw Ridge, is the extraordinary true story of Desmond Doss, who refused to touch a gun yet ended up saving the lives of 75 men in the Battle of Okinawa in World War II. Because of Desmond’s selfless decision to sacrificially love others, he ended up winning the Congressional Medal of Honor and the praises of many people. Though Desmond didn’t die while saving the lives of those men on the battlefield, he accepted the possibility of death with each individual he cared enough to carry to safety. But why would his acts be praised as something good if he’s supposed to be preprogrammed for his own survival?

Consider another real-life example: there was a man, Emmanuel Mensah, an African immigrant living in the United States, who was hailed as a hero because he died in a fire only after saving the lives of four of his neighbors from that same fire. In addition, consider yet another real-life example: A man by the name of Aaron Feis chose to sacrificially love students by using his own body to shield the students from bullets being fired by a gunman at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. If atheism is true, neither Emmanuel Mensah nor Aaron Feis should be hailed as heroes; rather, they should be labeled as malfunctions to the naturalistic design of survival. (Oops! Did I say design? Atheists don’t like to believe that intelligent design exists. But it certainly does. All we need to do is examine the available evidence: Part 1 and Part 2.)

And the example of Aaron Feis’ sacrificial love calls attention to a major flaw in the atheistic worldview. Almost everyone will agree that Aaron Feis died from gunshot wounds, inflicted upon him by an evil person. Many atheists will assert that the existence and persistence of evil and the problem of pain and suffering argue in favor of atheism and against Christianity; however, those arguments actually work against atheism and in favor of Christianity. In addition, atheists don’t have a foundation on which to build their case of evil because they rely upon moral relativism. And this is why atheists cannot live both happily and consistently. For without an absolute moral standard, atheists must accept and approve of the gunman’s relative moral compass which told him that shooting Aaron Feis was right.

If we want to understand why sacrificial love is promoted as the ultimate good, we need only to realize that GOD – the Creator of everything – is the standard of good and that the standard of good not only told us that sacrificial love is the ultimate good, but that He showed us this truth by becoming the sacrifice in order to provide for us the ultimate example of love. This is the Gospel!

Gospel literally means, “good news.” However, this good news cannot be understood properly without first knowing the bad news. The good news is that GOD created humans in His own image (Genesis 1:26-27) and gave us free will out from love so that we can have a loving relationship with GOD. The bad news is that humans used free will to rebel against GOD and distance themselves from Him. Sin always separates from a holy and perfect GOD (Psalm 5:4; Isaiah 59:2). In our sinful and fallen world, there simply isn’t a way to come into GOD’s presence without making amends for our sins. Sadly, humans are completely incapable of living completely righteous lives without sin by their own power (Romans 3:23). GOD set up an entire sacrificial system just to show us that even with forgiveness of sins, humans are still incapable of living completely righteous lives by their own power (Hebrews 9:22; 10:3-4). The good news is that GOD became flesh as Jesus (John 1:1,14), born miraculously from a virgin by the Holy Spirit (Matthew 1:18; Luke 1:26-38). Jesus willingly sacrificed Himself for us on our behalf in order to atone for all sins, for all people, in all places, for all time (Romans 8:3–4; Hebrews 10:5–10).

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
(John 15:13) -NLT

“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
(Romans 5:6-8) -NLT

Sacrificial love is rare in reality, but it is a reality nonetheless. People like Emmanuel Mensah and Aaron Feis don’t make the news headlines very often. However, sacrificial love has occurred in moments of life-or-death defining decisions and it occurred when Jesus willingly sacrificed Himself on our behalf in order to atone for all our sins so that Creator and creation may once again be reunited in a loving relationship.  Jesus was willing to die for those who rejected, mocked, beat, tortured, and murdered Him. So, if you are an atheist and are ridiculing both Christ and Christians, may it be known that Jesus willingly sacrificed Himself knowing this. The crucifixion of Christ shows us the extent of His love that He gave Himself up, not to common sufferings, but to the most bitter, painful, and protracted sorrows for an uncaring and unbelieving world. Yet through death, Jesus spoke life of forgiveness (Luke 23:34).

“This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.”
(1John 4:10) -NLT

But death was never the intended design and death couldn’t hold Jesus down. As it is written, the resurrection of Christ defeated death and provided a way for us to once again experience a loving relationship with our Creator. Jesus made a way when there was no way. Jesus saved us from ourselves despite ourselves.

And this is how Jesus saved the whole world. There may exist many sacrificial superheroes, but there is only one Savior – Jesus (John 14:6)!

In what ways can you love others sacrificially?